Time to move forward

I'm currently sitting at my desk completely buried in visa paperwork, my passport, Spanish music, and vitamin water. My mind is racing at a million miles an hour as I keep thinking about my future. What the heck am I doing!? Where will I end up in 10 years?! How will I be successful?! I'm sure so many angsty 18 year olds feel this way right now. The amount of pressure built up over the last 4 years for this moment has been unreal.

Today is May 4, 2017. In less than 24 days I will be walking across the stage to recieve my high school diploma and take off into the next chapter of my life. How freakin crazy is that... I remember being an overly excited eighth grader ready to take high school head on and meet tons of new people, go to every high school football game, be asked to every dance, have a boyfriend, be invited to parties, and be super smart. Well, my unrealistic expectations fell through the roof, sadly.

My high school career never really turned into being that typical. I went to a total of 4 football games, 2 dances, never had a boyfriend, went to 1 party, and had slightly above average grades. However, despite not having those experiences like the high schoolers in the movies, I discovered a heap about what it means to be human, how to love, and how to be completely true to myself. I'm not perfect. I struggle with sleeping in too late, eating too much, fighting with my siblings, spending too much time on social media, and so much more. Like everyone else. But high school has been different for me than for most people. These past four years, I have really found my own potential to love other people well. If anything, I've connected with so many people and fought through the battles of self-doubt, fitting in, and accepting myself and others despite feeling like I was never going to be good enough.

I used to be so afraid for people to know that I didn't really agree with a lot of the ways of society. I could go on about that but I think the conclusion I've really begun to embrace as much as possible is the fact that I am human, like everyone else. And everyone else is at their own pace, on their own path, and it is my duty to walk with my them through their own struggles and joys and accept them for everything that they are, the pretty and the messy. No matter what. It's the only way to true authenticity and friendship.

I'm digressing.

I really wanted to write this post because of that energizing word: SPAIN. Instead of attending a four year college in the U.S., I've decided to go abroad... wayyy abroad. I will be attending a 4 year university in Pamplona, Spain instead. However, next year I will solely be studying Spanish as an intro into studying receiving my degree in Spanish. So technically, I will be in Spain for 5 years instead of 4.

All of the things awaiting me there keep swirling in my head; they are slowly creeping into every conversation I have with anyone. It's only a few short months away which to me means a super long plane ride, a new country, language, and culture. Whatttt!! Every night before I fall asleep, I think about what it's going to be like...I can only imagine. I have no idea what to expect. I have sooo many questions, worries, thoughts, expectations, and all the like. Don't get me wrong, I'm completely psyched for this. But I'm also afraid. I'm equally both at the same time (but a little more excited than afraid). I know I can do this. Who knows where I'm going to end up, who I will meet, what I will see, experience, taste, and feel. I can't wait. I have one hellof an adventure waiting for me in Spain.

But on the other hand, I'm melancholic to let go of high school because I have finally found my place. I've met a ton of amazing people, had inspiring and encouraging teachers, and have discovered my authentic self. I'm no longer worried about fitting in or moving with the current of society. I know what it means to be courageous, resilient, and confident. I've embraced my values and struggled to live them every day while also embracing other people for who they are and where they're at
God only knows where he will lead me these next 5 years and I can only wait willingly with open arms to his grace and goodness, trusting that he will be there leading me every step of the way. I hope I put myself out there as much as possible, learn a thing or two about Spain, and continue to be true to myself and others, never forgetting the value that true love and authentic friendship can bring me. Dang. I can't wait to land in Madrid and have all of the emotions flood my mind and heart as I step off the plane and into those beautiful horizons awaiting me.

And as i wrap this up, I am listening to Christian Daniel sing "Ahora Que te Vas" in his emotional and passionate Spanish. I can understand about 42.6% of what he's saying, but I know it is a song of love, hope, and memories. I can only say, "A mi también. Te siento. Ahora que me voy..."

**PS GO LISTEN TO THAT SONG AND THANK ME LATER